since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
