I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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