i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
