I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
