Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
