I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
