i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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