I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
