Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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