if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
