just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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