her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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