you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
