just tell him i said nine months
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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