Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
