We're like a lot better than the average bears
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
