someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
