I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
