How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
