Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
MIDGETS
????
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
