This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
