Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
