yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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