For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
