So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
