I want to walk on stilts...naked
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
