We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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