Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
