I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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