I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
