I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
