I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
