jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
