Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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