he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
