Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
