I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
