The maid of honor just puked.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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