I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All the doctor said was why
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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