Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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