guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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