Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
