at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
