i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
