first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
