i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
