dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
