his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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