I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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