theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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